“Testing, testing, one, two, one, two… is this thing on?”

Wednesday, May 17th, 2017 Posted By

*taps mic* “Testing, testing, one, two, two… is this thing on?”

Look, I’ll level with you from the outset here; I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much for this blog. I’m not a huge fan of writing things down. Every January – without fail – I start a diary thinking “this year is the year I finally commit to writing things down and being organised!” Yeah right. At the age of 36, the furthest I’ve ever made it is January 6th before losing interest. It’s not that I don’t like the written word, far from it. I love reading and have done since I was an ACTUAL child (as opposed to the ridiculous man-child sat here typing) but there’s a permanence to the written word that tends to make me overthink things. Once you’ve written something down, it stays written. It’s probably why I gravitated towards a job that involves speaking, rather than writing. You can say a word, or indeed a whole bunch of them together, and if you decide to change your mind, it’s fairly simple to say “Oops. My bad” but if they’re written down, they’re there forever, or at least for long enough to make you look like an idiot, and I need no assistance on that front.

Cut to yesterday, when Mark B (who runs the website) forwarded a thoroughly passive-aggressive-style email to me. I dread to think what notes he would have left his housemates at uni. This email said something along the lines of …”the website is cool and stuff, but you should put things on it…” which brings us back to the present and this, my first ever blog. Seriously, I think I was the only goth in the early/mid-2000’s who didn’t have a LiveJournal. Mind you, I spent a lot of that period so far out of my head that any blog would have been written in crayon and covered in dribble.

I’m not even sure what you’re supposed to write in a blog. Thoughts? Musings? Gift ideas? Recipes? I might struggle a bit on that last one. I genuinely had to Google ‘how to boil an egg’ the other day. I wanted to get the white solid, but still have a runny yolk, and I’m buggered if I can figure out how to do it. My boiled eggs are always either so well done you could – in a pinch – use one as a rudimentary squash ball, or so underdone that a reasonably persistant hen could still get it to hatch. Googling it seemed like an appropriate thing to do. It was only afterwards I realised that  – as a 36-year-old (alleged) grown-up – Googling ‘how to boil an egg’ is basically the same as standing in the middle of the street with a sandwich board on that reads ‘I HAVE FAILED AS AN ADULT. ADULTING IS NOT FOR ME.’

So recipes are probably nopt going to be a thing on this blog, if indeed I don’t lose interest in the next couple of days and sack it off. What I can (probably) bring you is this Primordial wallpaper. I use it on my laptop and there’s been a couple of folks asking about it, so I thought I’d share it with you. I’ve attached it to this blog, and hopefully it’ll come out full size once I hit ‘publish’. I wouldn’t hold my breath though. I can’t even boil an egg properly.

 

*UPDATE* Balls. The wallpaper thing didn’t work. I’ve attached to the tweet about this blog.

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