Hello Y’all,
Hope all is well. Welcome to another thrilling tech support update. Kudos to Blunty, Appman Paul, and Mark B for their firefighting skills as more than half of the infernos have been dowsed.
We have made arrangements to have our very own dedicated server which we shall integrate across the weekend and into next week with the hope that solves the lag and loading issues. Good work Engineer Mark.
Apple App was poised to be released but they violated Rule #1 and at the last minute changed our status from ‘Ready to publish’ to ‘App in review’. Dicks. Appman Paul is on the case and reckons it’ll be sorted by the weekend.
Do you realise we launched this time last week? Crazy.
Anyhoo, I’m tired and off to have a nice cuppa tea and a scone. Here’s the latest from JIRA. Good night.
We have had 64 support requests in total,
39 have been resolved
Key issue arias:
1 – App crashing when trying to use the podcast section – this has been
fixed and will go live next week
2 – App Streaming issues – this is to my understanding tied in to the now
playing system being turned off.
3 – Account issues, this has seen a sharp decline in requests today.
I struggled giving this bit a snappy, attention grabbing headline so googled ‘what makes a good headline’ and evidently sensational lists work. You’re reading this. So there. It’s ironic I am concerned about headlines particularly following my time in the Valley of the Ultra Wankers but once you realise everyone is a hypocrite it’s easier to live with yourself. The real loin shuddering headline for this should be ‘Technical Support Update”.
Been quite a week at Primordial with the Aberdeen Primordial Süp and official station launches but the really important event was the launch of the membership platforms. Membership is the foundation upon which we will build and it’s important we get it right. So far, the technical difficulties have been challenging. If you don’t believe me here’s a recent photo of Mark Bentley.
Don’t despair as he is made of stern stuff and working through the issues even though his fingers melt his keyboard.
Big thanks to Richard ‘Blunty’ Blunt as he stuck up his hand and set-up an efficient support system which allocates issues to the correct individual and tracks it to completion. The system is called JIRA so we are now making endless GO JIRA gags.
Seriously though, shit is happening. See for yourself from an email I actually opened today:
So this-morning we had a bumper crop of new requests fueled by Moose publicising the support email. We have at the point of typing this resolved about 50% of the 50 requests sent in since we launched it yesterday. From looking over the support requests we have been getting in there are 3 main issues: 1 - the authentication error [this was fixed this morning and as a result we have had 0 requests come in for this since) 2 - account upgrade failures 3 - app issues
Impressive stuff.
We are doing our best to get to and rectify every concern but need them in one place so please send all queries to [email protected] and ensure the seconds it took Blunty to set-up this system don’t go to waste.
Check back for another thrilling update tomorrow.
There exists in our brains a rigid dichotomy between the left and the right where both parties act in our best interest but rarely agree resulting in ceaseless conflict. You know the conversation where the righties are lobbying in your brain saying “Fuck yeah, one more tequila is a great idea…” and the lefties are shaking their heads saying “You should go home now so you’ll be fresh for tomorrow’s big work presentation.” Emotion versus logic, it’s nothing new – righties love the idea and lefties love the result. The challenge is to equally excite the heart and mind so they act in unison and we at Primordial Radio have failed to do this by deeply discriminating lefties.
Being a righty myself I failed to comprehend the level of discrimination until our webmaster Mark Bentley piped-up and pointed out all of our pleas to support our bid were emotional. After I stifled the urge to mention you rarely see slide-rules and protractors in the impulse buy aisle I saw he was right. We have failed to provide practical details like “What do I get in return for my investment?” or “What exactly is Primordial Radio?” Hugely important questions for those who are detached from our journey and looking for facts before they hand over their hard earned cash. So, lefties, I apologise and hope the following answers your questions. I also apologise to Mark because if he’s still reading this he’ll be yelling “Stop the waffle and get to the details!” Mmmm, waffles….oops, i digress. Here you go.
What is Primordial Radio?
Primordial Radio is a radio station dedicated to serving the UK rock and metal community delivered through the internet and our app playing all genres of rock and metal.
At the start we will be a radio station as you know it – One with personality, presenters, opinions and music where you have no control and get what we plan and deliver.
The next step is to develop and introduce ‘My Primordial’ – where you tailor your experience by skipping tracks and liking or disliking songs and artists.
Think of it as combining the intimacy and personality of radio with the freedom and choice of digital streaming.
How will Primordial Radio make money?
Primordial Radio will generate revenue from membership, merchandise, events, competitions, sponsorship and advertising.
How Do I Invest?
Through the crowd equity funding website Seedrs.
What do I get for my investment?
- First and foremost you get A class shares in your own radio station. Each A class share has equal voting rights and privileges.
- You receive SEIS tax relief on 50% of your investment. For example, if you invested £1000 in Primordial Radio you would receive tax relief on £500. Get full details here.
- You get 50% off a two year membership. You will not be asked for payment in the first year of this deal. At the start of year 2 you will be asked to pay an annual fee of £60 or monthly fee of £5.99. You will have the opportunity to opt out of the offer before the paid period. Membership gives you first, full, and unfettered access to all Primordial Radio programmes, podcasts, platforms, products, and events.
- You get 15% discount on all merchandise and events (except the Primordial Radio Pub Quiz)
- Plus, every share purchased is entered into a draw to pick the first song played at the official launch of Primordial Radio.
How do I get a return on my investment?
Rightfully if you choose to support our venture you need to know how you will see a return. There are two options: (NB – In both circumstances share value will be determined at that time by an independent valuation of FT Industries)
- Right of First Refusal
Primordial Radio’s initial intention is to create a sustainable and scalable model for the UK rock and metal audience as per our financial forecast. When that model has been stress tested the plan is to apply the philosophy to other niche genres (jazz, blues, country, etc…) and expand into different territories with the long term goal of creating the overarching brand Primordial Music. At this point a second raise will be required where first round investors have the option to sell their holding before any new shares are created. - Buy Back
When Primordial Radio is in a suitably profitable position first round investors will have the opportunity to sell their holding back to FT Industries.
What happens if Primordial Radio doesn’t hit its funding target?
Primordial Radio will receive no money if it does not hit 100% of its target and investors will receive a full refund.
Phew, that hurt my brain. Happy now Mark?
Back when Jesus was a boy we asked you to submit your ideas for the Primordial Sup (much better if I knew how to get umlats onto things) Beer label. ‘Member that? Oh, the good ole days when you didn’t have to lock your door and Dewsbury (the place) was nothing but orange groves. Anyway, we finally got round to having a chat with Sorrel, Pig & Porter’s designer, and went through the entries and made a decision…sort of.
One of the many things I love about our community is when given a singular idea what comes back is so different and diverse. It amazes and intrigues me how people’s brains work and being introduced to a completely different concept than the one I originally formulated in my head. This proves to me how much we need to offer things you design. T-Shirts for example – you go to the store and build what you want. You pick the style, colour, cube colour and your own hashtag. How cool would that be when we gathered and we were wearing things of own creation that were a reflection of ourselves? I’d have a yellow, non zip hoodie with an orange cube with #pandaskincarwaxmitt. I’ll add that to the to-do list. In the meantime have a look at what I mean.
So different. So good. From this we have design ideas that extend well beyond the beer label and will use in the future. Ideas beget ideas but they first need cultivation.
We did, however, have to choose a design Sorrel could work with and in true Primordial style we have decided to combine the work of…
Caz Guerney
and David Nichols
We thought for a label and the doohickey thing on the pump these would draw attention to themselves. Caz and David’s name will adorn the labels of Primordial Sup and they each will receive a case of SUP when it is available. On that note, we are looking to have an online canned supply ready in July and the keg supply ready in the next few weeks. If you are a publican, know a publican, or indeed have ever been inside a pub that will benefit by having Primordial SUP available please throw the details my way and I will chase them up. [email protected] please.
Now, let’s leave Caz’s and David’s creation to hump. When their lovechild is born we shall have an unveiling.
Thank you to all who submitted, you are Primordial.
As I’ve traipsed through this life I’ve come to the conclusion the most effective way to get best from others is to treat them like children. Being a child is one thing we share and those basic emotions and needs remain in us regardless of age. We are born with the capacity to love and a natural curiosity and it’s only along the way we are taught hate and prejudice. I’m convinced if we spent more effort focused on the inner child our outcomes would change for the better.
What if those around you valued and respected your opinion and took the time to understand your motivations and supported your ideas and dreams with enthusiasm and encouragement? What if those who inspire you lifted you up instead of pushing you down.
What if people weren’t afraid to admit they were wrong and if they had experience on their side shared their wisdom so you could benefit? What if people in authority were honest, fair, firm and consistent with you? What if when you fell they offered you help and guidance in lieu of guilt and shame? How would you respond and react to that treatment? How would others react if you treated them the same way?
This all seems very preachy and self-helpy coming from such an utterly imperfect child but I’ve never encountered a situation that couldn’t be improved with kindness and understanding and if we just showed more of those two qualities the responses in our lives would improve.
I’m certainly not arrogant enough to speak for all but if you want the best from me, do me a favour, and treat me like a child.