Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is a difficult subject to talk about but rather than shying away from it we want to raise awareness to help people understand: what abuse is, what the different types of abuse are, what the signs and symptoms are, and most importantly where to get help.
Many organisations exist to offer domestic abuse help, whether as a victim/survivor, perpetrator or someone concerned about a person you know. But if you are in immediate danger, you should call the police. Further support organisations are listed below.
Domestic abuse can affect anyone, and no one should live in fear. Abuse or violence of any kind is never the victim’s fault. Responsibility always lies with the perpetrator and with them alone.
If someone confides to you that they are experiencing domestic abuse, there are some simple things you can do to support them. However, if the person you are worried about has not directly disclosed the abuse to you, it can be more difficult to support them, but it’s good to understand how you can be there for them. The information below should help, but the first thing you should do is just listen and validate their experience.
Quick links
- The Facts
- What is Domestic Abuse
- Coercive control
- Gaslighting
- DARVO
- Post separation Abuse
- Reactive Abuse
- Signs and symptoms of Domestic Abuse
- Clare’s Law
- Further Facts about Domestic Abuse
- Support Services
- Further Information
You can find out more about how you can keep your online activity private here https://www.bbc.co.uk/actionline/hide-your-tracks
The Facts:
An estimated 1.4 million women and 751,000 men aged 16 years and over experienced domestic abuse in the last year, a prevalence rate of approximately 5.7% of women and 3.2% of men (ons.gov.uk).
The police receive a domestic abuse-related call every 30 seconds.
Yet it is estimated that less than 24% of domestic abuse crime is reported to the police.
1 in 7 men and 1 in 4 women in England and Wales will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime (ONS figures 2022/23).
On average, one woman is killed by an abusive partner or ex-partner every five days in England and Wales.
93% of defendants in domestic abuse cases are male; 84% of victims are female.
58.9% of the men who call the ManKind Initiative helpline have never spoken to anyone before about the abuse they are suffering and 64% would not have called if the helpline was not anonymous.
More than one in four Lesbian women and gay men report at least one form of domestic abuse since the age of 16, a number that rises to one in three for bisexual people. While lesbian women report similar rates of domestic abuse to that of heterosexual women, gay and bisexual men might be twice as likely to experience domestic abuse compared to heterosexual women. Moreover, evidence also suggests that prevalence rates of domestic abuse may be higher for transgender people than any other section of the population.
What is Domestic Abuse?
The UK government’s definition of abuse:
“…any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.”
Types of abuse include psychological, physical, sexual, financial, emotional, in most cases by a partner or ex-partner, but it can also be by a family member or carer. It is very common. It can happen to anyone but in the vast majority of cases, it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by men.
Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:
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- Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse e.g. gaslighting (further information below)
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse
For the definition to apply, both parties must be aged 16 or over and ‘personally connected’.
‘Personally connected’ is defined in the act as parties who:
- are married to each other
- are civil partners of each other
- have agreed to marry one another (whether or not the agreement has been terminated)
- have entered into a civil partnership agreement (whether or not the agreement has been terminated)
- are or have been in an intimate personal relationship with each other
- have, or there has been a time when they each have had, a parental relationship in relation to the same child
- are relatives
There is no requirement for them to live in the same household.
Coercive control
There were 43,774 offences of coercive control recorded by the police in England and Wales (excluding Devon and Cornwall) in the year ending March 2023 (ONS, 2023a).
When we think of domestic abuse, we may think of violence, but domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
Coercive and controlling behaviour is at the centre of all domestic abuse.
This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their lives.
Women’s Aid campaigned and succeeded in making coercive control a criminal offence in 2015. This has marked a huge step forward in tackling all forms of domestic abuse.
Coercive control creates invisible chains and a sense of fear that pervades all elements of a survivor’s life. It works to limit their human rights by depriving them of their liberty and reducing their ability for action. Experts like Evan Stark liken coercive control to being taken hostage. As he says: “the victim becomes captive in an unreal world created by the abuser, entrapped in a world of confusion, contradiction and fear.” (Stark, 2007).
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse in which the perpetrator makes someone question and doubt their own perceptions, memory, judgement and sanity. It is a manipulative tactic used to gain power and is part of a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. It is a form of emotional domestic abuse. It usually occurs within a romantic relationship, but it can occur in any relationship – friendships, work colleagues or within families. Gaslighting typically occurs over a period of time and is not a one-off interaction.
Gaslighting differs from genuine relationship disagreement in that one partner is consistently negating and criticising the other’s perception, insisting that they are wrong, or telling them that their emotional reaction is irrational, oversensitive or that they are imagining things. Their partner, over time, starts to doubt their own reactions and thoughts.
“Having people walk on eggshells because of your anger is a form of emotional abuse.” Dr Nicole LePera
DARVO
DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, is a manipulative tactic commonly used by perpetrators to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It is a psychological defence mechanism to escape the shame and inner turmoil that comes from challenging their false self. The first step in DARVO is to deny any wrongdoing or shift the blame onto others. This is followed by attacking the accuser, painting them as the actual problem. Finally, the perpetrator reverses the roles, portraying themselves as the victim in the situation.
‘Women are at greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner’ (Lees 2000 cited by Hanmer, J and Itzin (2001).
Post Separation Abuse
Leaving an abusive relationship does not mean the abuse will stop. In some cases, it heightens the risk and threat to safety for the victim/survivor and their children. This is called post-separation abuse. It is a pattern of abuse that continues after a relationship has ended and can involve limiting access to money, monitoring all communication and using emotional abuse to maintain power and control. This can also involve using children to exert control. In post-separation, the abuse can escalate with continued threats and intimidation. This abuse ranges from harassment type behaviour to physical abuse with a heightened risk of homicide.
Reactive Abuse
This is when the victim who has been abused, exhibits abusive tendencies or reactive defence. This can be towards the partner that is abusing them or a new partner. There are many possible reasons for this but mainly it will be due to a need to try to safeguard themselves, for survival, or it may be in retaliation and for dignity. The consequences can be injury to the primary perpetrator, increased abuse to themselves or injury to a new partner.
Signs and symptoms of domestic abuse
Domestic abuse seriously affects physical, emotional and mental health.
Domestic abuse may not be immediately apparent, especially if the abuse is not physical and people often go to great lengths to conceal it. Indicators may include:
- injuries particularly if repeated and with vague and implausible explanation
- denial or minimisation of abuse/injuries
- depression, anxiety post-traumatic stress disorder, sleep disorders
- suicide attempts
- alcohol or other substance misuse
- a regular inability to speak over the phone
- issues relating to lack of income
Clare’s Law
Ten years ago, Clare’s Law was introduced after a campaign by the father of Clare Woods. Clare was in a relationship with George Appleton, he killed her despite Clare making several complaints to the police about him. Her family felt if she knew about his past, she would not have entered into the relationship. The Clare’s Law scheme is formally known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) in the UK. It gives any member of the public the right to ask the police if their partner may pose a risk to them. This scheme also allows a member of the public to make an inquiry into the partner of a close friend or family member. Making a Clare’s Law application depends on where you live so, please search online to find out how you can access this service locally. It is currently available in England and Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. Versions of the scheme also exist in New South Wales (Australia) and Saskatchewan (Canada).
It takes on average, 7 attempts before a woman is able to leave for good.
Leaving an abusive partner is a process, not a single act.
For further information watch – You Can’t Ask That: Domestic and Family Violence survivors answer ‘Why didn’t you just leave?’
Further facts about Domestic Abuse:
Domestic abuse is linked to depression and homelessness.
Women who experience domestic abuse are twice as likely to experience depression, and 40% of homeless women state domestic abuse as a contributory factor to their homelessness.
Domestic abuse can lead women to suicide.
It is estimated that around 3 women a week die by suicide as a result of domestic abuse.
20% of children in the UK have lived with an adult perpetrating domestic abuse.
That’s 1 in 5 kids.
Young girls in the UK report high incidence of sexual violence.
41% of UK girls aged 14 to 17 in an intimate relationship experienced some form of sexual violence from their partner.
Support services
National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247 (24 hours)
Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Rights of Women https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/
Mankind https://mankind.org.uk/
Respect Men’s Advice Line Freephone 0808 8010 327 (for victims and perpetrators)
Refuge https://refuge.org.uk/ (for all genders)
SurvivorsUK https://www.survivorsuk.org/ (male and non-binary victims of sexual violence)
Supporting someone else https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-worried-about-someone-else/
Also see our Resources page for more organisations offering support across the UK.
Further information
Domestic Abuse is a gendered crime
Myths about domestic abuse
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/myths/
Source: Samantha Harwood and Jan Cooke who thank the team of people who kindly helped with this information.